Log in

No account? Create an account

Crazy-ass Funk!!!

« previous entry | next entry »
Dec. 4th, 2006 | 07:45 pm
居場所: At home, thinking happy thoughts
気持ち: mildly mildly
音楽: Watching heroes!

For the past 3 months, i have been in the weirdest funk! I can't explain why I felt the way I have. I am hypothesisizing the fact that I have been in poverty. I mean, like "no money" kind of poverty. Now, if I were living with my family, I would have nothing to worry about, but when you live alone, completely different story. I have not been to any movies and I have been eating like (excuse the french) shit! My diet had dropped to completely junk and more junk. I had to give up eating salad and everything else for the fact, I could not afford vegetables. I even felt like I was falling into a type of mild depression. Even now as I write I feel a tad depressed. I can't quite explain why, but something isn't right. Really.

Well, I am not going to fill your friends page with all of this, so going straight to the cut!

I don't know if it is the fact of aging, or if it is unsure about my own future, or what the hell it is, but I have been feeling really depressed. When I am at school working, I feel alive and I enjoy working with my students, for the most part, but then I come home, and I am falling...no, not falling, sinking into a pit filled with uncertainty and darkness. I feel like my will for live is literally sucked out of me. I go to sleep and wake up with little will to continue on, then, I get dressed and go to work. Is it loneliness? Is it the constant sense of "failure" in my own profession? I really am unsure. But, that is that. Perhaps, I can get over this wild funk. Really. I would like to know what the hell is keeping me down.

Well, I am extremely busy with work for the next two weeks. I have 21 students I have to test and analyze. I don't know how I am going to do all of that work! I hope I can do it. Wish me luck on all of that. On top of all the testing, I have a concert to prep a handful of students for. 5 students total, but 2 are independant and make teaching them worthwhile. 2 are lazy and expect to play their recorders without reading the music. 1 I am not worried about (hard to "fuck" up the triangle, really). Sad news, the bloody copy machine broke down. So, I am stuck creating and printing homework for tomorrow. But for now...I'm going to bed! I will try to write more. I am hoping that if I can be more consistent with writing, i can "control" or limit my depresion. Keep in touch!

Comments {0}